Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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