did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
