I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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