i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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