I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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