you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize