Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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