What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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