Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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