The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
