This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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