I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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