it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
