Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
