This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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