Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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