Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
