highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
