it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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