I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
