You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
