I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
