Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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