there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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