I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
