So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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