Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize