What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
