barbara walters just said penis...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
