fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
