Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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