thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
