Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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