make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
