why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
