At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
