My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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