You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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