sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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