mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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