Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
