My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize