Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
nutella sex= disaster
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
