put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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