I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
