Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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