I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
