I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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