Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
