the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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