Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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