You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
