you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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