She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
