I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
