He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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