I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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