when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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