I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize