Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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