It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
