youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she told me i tasted like america
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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