upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
