Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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