Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
