Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize