pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
