How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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