Say something about gay babies.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
