So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
