I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
