I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
