I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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