I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just gargled with NyQuil
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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