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I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
