You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
