I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
