i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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