found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
