I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
